Drunk Text Chronicles
by Serafina Claremond
Summary: Riley and Maya are two months from their college graduation, two months from the real world. From boys to bars to booze to accidentally causing a "situation" at the New York Governor's State Dinner, these best friends are definitely going to need to drink their way to graduation. / College AU / Oneshot Series!
1. Night Out

**From:** Riley Matthews  
 **To:** Farkle Sparkle  
 _10:21 P.M.  
_ hows the bar?

Riley finished her text to Farkle and went back to curling her hair and watching Maya through the mirror doing her own makeup. Her best friend had put on a bold, red lip and was bound to break every guy's heart tonight. "Damn, who are you trying to impress?"

"Your uncle, of course," she said, winking at her best friend. Riley groaned and turned the curling iron off, carefully placing it on the table. Maya reasoned with her: "Tonight's the first time in forever that he actually agreed to go drinking with the guys…."

"Ugh, you _cannot_ be my aunt." Maya smiled lovingly at her and swiped a bit more blush onto her porcelain skin. As she swiped some lip gloss, she suggested, "What if I stayed home tonight? Then I don't have to watch you throw yourself at Josh."

"I am not _throwing_ myself at him. I haven't since we were in high school, honey," the blonde reminded her, "He's 24, I'm 22, and _Lucas will be there_."

 _Lucas._ It felt like she was a lovesick college freshman again. "Nothing is ever going to happen between the two of us. There's nothing between the two of us. We're just best friends." That had been her mantra for the last three years.

"Yeah right. The sexual tension with you guys has been suffocating our friend group for three years!" Maya giggled and lifted her hands into the air. "For the love of God, _get it on already_."

Her phone chimed before she could argue back. She threw her phone at her best friend. "Farkle's having a good time, clearly."

 **From:** Farkle Sparkle  
 **To:** Riley Matthews  
 _10:28 P.M.  
_ ists fjcssing insceredle

 **From:** Riley Matthews  
 **To:** Farkle Sparkle  
 _10:29 P.M.  
_ be there in 10

"Yes! Let's go, let's go, let's go!" Maya shouted. Riley smoothed out her leather mini, the most rebellious thing she owned, and spot checked her white peasant top. _Maybe something good will happen tonight._ "Let's go, honey! We gotta go get Smack!"

* * *

 **From:** Riley(:  
 **To:** Lucas!  
 _10:45 P.M.  
_ omg just walked into the bar and someone yelled "dibs!"

 **From:** Lucas!  
 **To:** Riley(:  
 _10:46 P.M.  
_ …

 **From:** Lucas!  
 **To:** Riley(:  
 _10:46 P.M.  
_ Which bar are you at?

* * *

"This one!" A voice shouted right into his ear. Lucas knew the music was loud and the drunken crowd was obnoxiously loud, and maybe he'd already had too much to drink in the last hour, but he jumped straight off his barstool, nearly knocking it over, in shock, only to be greeted by one beautiful, smiling brunette.

"Riley!" His voice cracked.

"Hey there, cowboy," she purred, slipping around him and snagging his stool to sit herself on. She kept her back to the bar, her bare legs outstretched and dangerously taunting him.

"How'd you know we were here?"

"Farkle accidentally told us where guys' night was." Riley looked over his shoulder and asked, "Speaking of, where are the rest of the guys?"

"Currently trying to convince the girls over there they were part of the original One Direction. The ones the media didn't want anyone to know about," he said, laughing.

"But why?"

"To help Zay." Lucas scratched the back of his neck and beamed at Riley. _God, she's gorgeous._

"Hey, Huckleberry!"

"Maya." He tipped his invisible cowboy hat at her. "Smackle. Fancy seeing you here."

The blonde waved him off. "Okay enough of you. Where's Uncle Boing?" Lucas pointed the boys out for her and explained their scheme. "Alright, Smack. You ready for this?"

Riley leaned back, laughing, making his heart soar. As much shit as the guys gave him for his feelings, she was worth it. She was always worth it.

* * *

 **From:** Honey  
 **To:** Peaches  
 _11:26 P.M.  
_ what happened to you?

 **From:** Peaches  
 **To:** Honey  
 _11:28 P.M.  
_ Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him.  
They threw him out. USA USA USA!

 **From:** Honey  
 **To:** Peaches  
 _11:29 P.M.  
_ of course you fucking did.

 **From:** Peaches  
 **To:** Honey  
 _11:30 P.M.  
_ Don't pretend you're not proud.  
Get your ass over here for a free drink!

* * *

She was currently perched on the countertop at the bar, legs swinging wildly as she grooved to the music. Josh Matthews was currently standing next to her with a giant shit-eating grin on his face, and she couldn't have been more pleased with herself. Throwing her hands up into the air again, she shouted, "I love America!"

The crowd cheered with her and they all took another vodka shot together. Josh put his hands on her hips and slowly guided her back down to the floor. "I didn't know you were this patriotic, babe."

"Neither did I!" She squealed, completely missing his pet name for her. "If I'd known I could get free drinks for an entire night, I'd have shown a shit ton more of love for America earlier!"

"You wild, wild girl," he murmured. "Let me see your knuckles." His hands immediately found hers, a jolt of electricity shooting up her arm. _Damn._ Thanks to his mere touch, she sobered up quick. His thumb grazed over her knuckles, and she melted. "There's gonna be some light bruising, but I'm sure the other guy looks worse. You throw an incredible right hook."

Without a second thought, she rested her arms on his shoulders and leaned in, whispering against his neck, "Did you just call me incredible?" Maya felt his body shiver against hers, and eventually his hands moved to her waist.

" _Maya_ ," he groaned. "You're still in college."

"But it's currently one day in the six weeks where we're only two years a part," she pointed out, pulling away from his neck. "And I graduate in two months."

"You're right, that's not too long…."

"Then why wait?"

* * *

 **From:** Farkly  
 **To:** Isaiah  
 _12:22 A.M.  
_ We are horrible

 **From:** Isaiah  
 **To:** Farkly  
 _12:25 A.M.  
_ Yeah but we're also awesome

 **From:** Farkly  
 **To:** Isaiah  
 _12:27 A.M.  
_ If she figures out I lied…

 **From:** Farkly  
 **To:** Isaiah  
 _12:28 A.M.  
_ She won't.

 **From:** Farkly  
 **To:** Isaiah  
 _12:28 A.M  
_ How can you be so sure about that?

 **From:** Farkly  
 **To:** Isaiah  
 _12:30 A.M.  
_ I hate you _  
_

"I suppose I'm simply confused how Zay's scheme worked," Smackle was saying, resting against Farkle in their private booth. "He doesn't even have a British accent."

"Sometimes, intelligent people are unable to comprehend reality when they're inebriated. I think." He wrapped his arm around her tighter, nuzzling his face into her hair. Man, he fucking loved her.

"I think we've both had too much to drink," she noted, tilting her face towards his. Isadora Smackle was licking her lips and he couldn't think of anything better to do.

So he dove in and devoured her.

* * *

 **From:** Riley  
 **To:** Joshiee  
 _12:43 A.M.  
_ please tell me you have my best friand

 **From:** Joshiee  
 **To:** Riley  
 _12:44 A.M.  
_ I do! Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".

 **From:** Riley  
 **To:** Joshiee  
 _12:46 A.M.  
_ …I don't want to know.  
return her safely

 **From:** Joshiee  
 **To:** Riley  
 _12:44 A.M.  
_ I will, just not tonight

* * *

 **From:** Honey  
 **To:** Peaches  
 _12:45 A.M.  
_ you cannot be my aunt!

 **From:** Honey  
 **To:** Peaches  
 _12:51 A.M.  
_ ugh don't have too much fun

 _Typical_ , she thought. Of course her best friend and her uncle would both punch someone at a bar tonight. _Fucking ridiculous._ Riley was shaking her head and groaning, but even she knew her lips were curved into a happy smile. All she ever wanted was for Maya to get everything she ever wanted. _And if Maya could get Josh…._

"You okay there?" Lucas asked, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. He let his hand linger against her cheeks and she leaned into it.

"Just peachy," she chirped. The alcohol had warmed her inside and out and she felt much more comfortable reaching for Lucas's hand to hold. "You?"

His eyes shot from her to their hands back to her. _Oh man_. "G-great, Riley."

"Wanna feel better?"

"What did you have in mind?" Confidence was surging through her veins as she pulled herself up off the stool and rested her hands on his hips. "I could definitely get behind this."


	2. Sunday Morning

**Author's Note:** Hope you're enjoying this series of drabbles/oneshots as much as I enjoy writing them!

* * *

 **From** : Maya Hart  
 **To** : Address Book  
 _7:13 A.M._  
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

* * *

"Come on, come on. Pick up, pick up, pick up." This was Maya's third time calling her best friend, punctuating the time with calls to her boyfriend, who was probably the only person to drink more than she did last night. She finally heard heavy breathing and swore. "Fuck yes, Riley?"

"What the fuck, Maya?" Riley answered, her throat coated with morning voice.

"Riles, I don't know where I am."

"What?"

She briefly explained the situation: Maya had woken up in the bathtub of an apartment somewhere in Queens — there was a good chance it wasn't Queens. And unfortunately, it seemed like no taxis even came to this area. "I have no internet service either so it's not like I can just grab an Uber."

"Well, the last thing I remember you saying was that you wanted to take Farkle and Zay to an underground party near Harlem."

"You heard that?" She tittered. "I thought the sounds of you and Lucas sucking face masked everything."

" _Bitch._ " Riley said the word with such vigor in the wee hours, Maya was sure she meant it. But then her best friend kept speaking. "The good news is you have phone service. Just walk a few blocks and see if anything changes. If not, call me."

"Jellybean?" Maya could hear Lucas waking up in the background and allowed her best friend to go back to naked cuddling. But as she started to make her way through the streets, she finally realized what she was wearing: tutu and fairy wings.

" _Fucking_ hell."

* * *

 **From:** Isaiah  
 **To:** Farkly, CincoDMaya  
 _9:32 A.M._  
You get home yet?

 **From:** CindoDMaya  
 **To:** Zay B, Fark  
 _9:33 A.M._  
Yes. Fuck you.

 **From:** Isaiah  
 **To:** Farkly, CincoDMaya  
 _9:34 A.M._  
?

 **From:** CindoDMaya  
 **To:** Zay B, Fark  
 _9:36 A.M._  
Where'd the two of you go off to after that party in Harlem?

 **From:** Farkly  
 **To:** Isaiah, Maya  
 _9:37 A.M._  
You mean the rave?

 **From:** CindoDMaya  
 **To:** Zay B, Fark  
 _9:38 A.M._  
That explains the tutu.

 **From:** Farkly  
 **To:** Isaiah, Maya  
9:38 A.M.  
We went to McDonald's.

 **From:** CindoDMaya  
 **To:** Zay B, Fark  
 _9:41 A.M._  
Bitches. Where was I?

 **From:** Farkly  
 **To:** Isaiah, Maya  
 _9:42 A.M._  
You didn't want to be there. Trust.

 **From:** Isaiah  
 **To:** Farkly, CincoDMaya  
 _9:42 A.M._  
He's just mad I got two free McFlurries

 **From:** Farkly  
 **To:** Isaiah, Maya  
 _9:45 A.M._

The guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."  
He let you keep the first one.

* * *

Farkle dropped his phone back on his nightstand and looked at his sleeping girlfriend. _Isadora Smackle._ He traced her bare arm, careful not to wake her. Part of him was worried though, that he'd forced himself on her last night. Maya and Zay had shoved drink after drink after drink down his throat at the bar to help him celebrate his academic achievements at Columbia. Grad school had started earlier for him than for most, effectively making him the youngest in the program. Sadly, it also meant seeing his friends and his long-time girlfriend less and less. If only he could convince Smackle to move in with him finally….

"Good morning, my sweetest," she mumbled, brushing her dark hair away from her face. "Are you feeling any better?"

Pressing his lips to her forehead, he smiled and replied, "The aspirin was a godsend, love. Thank you so much."

"I assumed you would need it. After what you did when you arrived home," she said, smirking. Smackle took her thumb and swiped the sleep from his eyes for him. Noticing his puzzled expression, she laughed. "You don't remember, do you?"

"I-uh. I know we said we would wait for our first time when you were ready. I didn't mean to—"

She interrupted, "That's what you think you did last night? Oh, my sweet. You came home, got down on one knee—"

" _No._ "

"—and proposed." Smackle reached behind him and he heard crinkling. Farkle's cheeks were tomato red and he didn't dare look at what she was grabbing. "You handed me this RingPop and begged me to move in."

"Was it because I wanted—"

"You said you loved me about a thousand times — well, you mumbled and slurred it about that many times. And that it was time for us to take the next step. Not moving in, you specified that, but getting married."

"And what did you say?"

"You didn't give me a chance." His genius girlfriend stood, pulling her pajama shorts down, and smiled. "Climbed into bed and knocked out."

"That sounds like me," he chuckled. Farkle climbed out of bed too, a dull ache throbbing in his head, and walked into the kitchen to cook. She followed him, lovingly wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing her cheek into his back. _She was perfect._

Into his back, she murmured, "I would've said yes."


	3. Celebrations

**A/N:** Please don't hate me that I disappeared! And yes, Zay put his name in Lucas' phone.

* * *

"'Let's have fun' you said, 'let's get one drink' you said," Isadora slurred, waving her drink in the air. "'Farkle's in Cambridge with the boys and you deserve a night out' you said. You two fucking lied."

" _Isadora_ ," Riley fake-gasped. "Such harsh and vulgar language coming from a brilliant mind."

"Shut up and pour me another shot!" The genius demanded, a fire in her eyes.

Maya smirked. "Smack, what would Farkle say if he saw you?"

"He would say, I'm glad we're getting married." Her words blended together and the blonde furrowed her eyebrows, unsure if she had said what she really did.

" _What?_ "

"They're getting married!" Riley squealed. "Oh my gosh!"

"Aren't you guys too young? Isn't there so much you want to do? Why do you need to be tied down already?"

Smackle waved her hand at Maya, dismissing her peppering of questions. "Your relationships started with sexual encounters, because it was the next step for you. Our next step is getting married. Neither way is the only way, Miss Maya Hart." She lifted her hands in to the air and cheered. "Mrs. Isadora Smackle-Minkus."

Riley and Maya cheered with her. "Fuck yes!"

 **From:** Sweetest  
 **To:** Beloved  
 _11:23 P.M.  
_ Mrs. Isadora Smackle-Minkus!

 **From:** Beloved  
 **To:** Sweetest  
 _11:25P.M.  
_ Are you drunk, my love?

 **From:** Sweetest  
 **To:** Beloved  
 _11:27 P.M.  
_ They tricked me

* * *

Of course they got her drunk. It wasn't very often when Riley and Maya managed to convince the love of his life to go to a bar _and_ drink. Isadora Smackle loved being the responsible one and being in control of her mind — her perfect, genius mind. Being drunk did not help her achieve either of those things, but he couldn't help but smile anyway as he typed on his phone.

 **From:** Fark  
 **To:** Maya Hart  
 _11:27 P.M.  
_ What did you do to my girlfriend?

 **From:** Fark  
 **To:** Maya Hart  
 _11:29 P.M.  
_ Don't you mean fiancée?

 **From:** Fark  
 **To:** Maya Hart  
 _11:32 P.M.  
_ Why did she tell you?

He slipped his phone back into his jeans as Zay slapped him hard on the back and shouted, "Congratulations! Maya just told us about you and Smackle!" Farkle watched one of his best friends down another shot - in _his_ honor, no less - and smile wildly at the blond sitting next to him.

"I can't believe you guys are getting married."

"We're just engaged, we haven't even started planning yet. Who knows when it will actually happen?" The two boys stared at him in sheer disbelief and he said, "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"If I was engaged to Riley right now, I'd want nothing more than to be married to her already," Lucas replied, shrugging. "You don't have to hide your excitement for us, Farkle. I may have just met you and Smackle three years ago, but I know you two are soulmates."

"You and Riley just fucked and you're already thinking about marriage, man?"

"I've been in love with her since I met her, Zay, you know that." Farkle watched Lucas gently pat Zay's arm and wondered if he was really good enough for his best friend. But before he could ask, his phone vibrate again in his pocket.

 **From:** Maya Hart  
 **To:** Fark  
 _11:37 P.M.  
_ Fuck you, Fark  
should've told us!

 **From:** Maya Hart  
 **To:** Fark  
 _11:38 P.M.  
_ Congratulations though! xoxo

 **From:** Fark  
 **To:** Maya Hart  
 _11:38 P.M.  
_ I love you too.  
Zay brushed his teeth for what felt like an hour and spit into the toilet. He looked at himself in the mirror above the sink and smiled proudly. He could take care of himself and he'd told Lucas he could get home safely. That asshole just wanted to feel wanted, he concluded.

 **From:** Zay-bae  
 **To:** Lukey-boy  
 _1:35 A.M.  
_ I tld you I was good 2 drive!1!1!

 **From:** Lukey-boy  
 **To:** Zay-bae  
 _1:37 A.M.  
_ dumbass I drove…  
you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

 **From:** Zay-bae  
 **To:** Lukey-boy  
 _1:38 A.M.  
_ oh

 **From:** Zay-bae  
 **To:** Lukey-boy  
 _1:38 A.M.  
_ ur a god frien!  
if jurasic prk ever becomes real,  
i'll save you from the pterodactyl

 **From:** Lukey-boy  
 **To:** Zay-bae  
 _1:40 A.M.  
_ i find it simply astounding you spelled friend wrong but pterodactyl right

Zay rolled around in his bed, trying to get comfortable, but was completely unsuccessful. Two of his best friends were on the way to happy marriages and they weren't even out of college. It was hard enough being the "Barney" or "Joey" of their group, but things were definitely changing. He pulled his phone back out from under the pillow.

 **From:** Zay-bae  
 **To:** Lukey-boy  
 _1:51 A.M.  
_ i miss vanessa

 **From:** Lukey-boy  
 **To:** Zay-bae  
 _1:51 A.M.  
_ i know

 **From:** Zay-bae  
 **To:** Lukey-boy  
 _1:52 A.M.  
_?

 **From:** Lukey-boy  
 **To:** Zay-bae  
 _1:53 A.M.  
_ the look on your face  
when you found out that farkle and smackle  
were engaged

 **From:** Zay-bae  
 **To:** Lukey-boy  
 _1:55 A.M.  
_ don't forget me when y'all get married

 **From:** Lukey-boy  
 **To:** Zay-bae  
 _1:55 A.M.  
_ Never.


	4. Zay's Birthday

It was certainly going to be a night to remember, Zay thought to himself. His 22nd birthday was only a handful of weeks before his last set of undergraduate final exams, so he was ready to bar crawl through the weekend until he couldn't feel his legs any longer. And maybe by the end of Sunday night, he'd have a girl in his bed to look up at him with wide, brown eyes full of love.

"Hey, Mary," he said, turning to the girl seated on his right in his Advanced Auditing lecture, "I was wondering if you had plans this weekend? I'm starting a bar crawl tonight that ends on my birthday on Sunday."

Mary Wen was gorgeous: she had jet black hair and wore large wire frame glasses to emphasize how bright and happy her hazel-brown eyes were. He thought she wore them just to tease him. She squinted at him and said, "The whole weekend? Really, Zay? Isn't that a bit much?"

"Oh, I, uh, you don't have to come for the whole thing…" he backtracked, stuttering his way through all the hasty corrections he could make.

"I'm kidding. I'd love to join you. And see the true wild Zay I've heard so much about this semester." She flipped her hair over her shoulder, exposing a strip of caramel-tanned skin on her neck and he practically whimpered. "I'll text you around 9?"

"Great, great," he sputtered as she got up and left class. _Tonight was going to be the shit._

* * *

 **From:** Zay-bae  
 **To:** Lukey-boy, Farkly  
 _3:21 P.M.  
_ Tonight is going to be the shit!1!

 **From:** Lukey-boy  
 **To:** Zay-bae, F. Minkus  
 _3:22 P.M.  
_ Why?

 **From:** Zay-bae  
 **To:** Lukey-boy, Farkly  
 _3:22 P.M.  
_ Mary said yes! She's coming tonight

 **From:** Farkly  
 **To:** Isaiah, Lucas  
 _3:23 P.M.  
_ **hell yeah she is**

 **From:** Farkly  
 **To:** Isaiah, Lucas  
 _3:23 P.M.  
_ did I do it right?

 **From:** Lukey-boy  
 **To:** Zay-bae, F. Minkus  
 _3:25 P.M.  
_ LOL Yeah man, exactly right.

* * *

At 9:30, the guys arrived at their first bar of the evening — a sports bar so that they could catch the last quarter of the Wizards and Celtics game. Mary still hadn't texted him and he was shaking with nervous worry.

After taking two shots, he asked his most wise counsel, "Should I text her now?"

Farkle and Lucas shared a look. They'd already denied him of making the first move about 14 times earlier, before they decided to start the crawl an hour early to calm him with his two favorite things: tequila and basketball. Lucas was also worried that this Mary, who he'd only met once or twice since Zay started talking exclusively about her, was about to break his boy's heart during his birthday weekend.

"Yeah, man, but only one text, so think carefully," he allowed, scrolling through his best friend's contacts to find Mary's number. _Mary Wen_. Zay had it bad, Lucas thought has he handed him his phone.

 **From:** Zay Babe-ineaux  
 **To:** Mary Wen  
 _9:32 P.M.  
_ Id like to know where dora  
the explorers parents are when she goes  
on all these crazy ass adventures

"That's what you carefully chose to say?" Farkle exclaimed after Zay showed them his message.

Zay shrugged. "I didn't want to seem needy."

"She just responded."

 **From:** Mary Wen  
 **To:** Zay Babe-ineaux  
 _9:35 P.M.  
_ Probably stoned out of their mind tbh

That got a hard snort from Lucas.

 **From:** Mary Wen  
 **To:** Zay Babe-ineaux  
 _9:35 P.M.  
_ What bar are y'all at?

 **From:** Zay Babe-ineaux  
 **To:** Mary Wen  
 _9:36 P.M.  
_ Porter's

 **From:** Mary Wen  
 **To:** Zay Babe-ineaux  
 _9:37 P.M.  
_ :)

* * *

An hour later, Zay was pretty buzzed. He was at the peak of his prime. The girls and Josh had arrived just after the game ended and wanted to head over to the next bar as quickly as possible. But Zay pouted and forced them to wait because he knew Mary was on her way.

"Is he sure she's not standing him up?" Riley murmured, hoping only Lucas would hear. Zay had been worried that inviting the girls out too would mean he was seventh wheeling, but his friends kindly didn't wander off to do the dirty deed or suck face or anything else, really wanting to celebrate wit him.

"He's positive."

Suddenly, a pair of soft hands wrapped around his head, covering his eyes, and a teasing voice came out from the darkness, ringing clear in his ears despite the muffled sound of music and conversation. "Guess who?"

"You came," he said excitedly, a wide grin plastered on his mouth. She uncovered his eyes and gave him a tight hug, complete with a kiss on the cheek.

"Happy early birthday!" Mary then turned to the bartender and ordered a round of tequila shots, before looking back at the rest of the group. "Tequila shots okay?"

"I like you," Maya exclaimed. "Nice to meet you, they call me Maya and this is my boyfriend Josh."

"Wow," she said breathlessly. "You guys are one fucking gorgeous couple. Well done, I applaud you both."

The round of tequila shots came and went, the slick burn in Zay's throat coming from his nerves more so than the alcohol. Farkle extended his hand and said, "I'm Farkle and this is Isadora Smackle-"

"But you may call me Smackle. I am so glad Zay has found you, I think you will fit in pleasantly with the rest of us."

Mary blushed. "You talk about me?"

"All the time," Lucas blurted out as he pulled the girl into a hug. "Nice to see you again. This is Riley, my new girlfriend."

"Wonderful to meet you."

"You too. Zay has told me a lot about y'all too. This is the Riley you took forever to get with?"

It was Riley's turn to blush. "We've all probably have taken our sweet time getting our current boyfriends in bed actually."

"Although Smackle and Farkle are already engaged," chirped Josh. "If you don't mind me asking, what's your ethnic background?"

"No, it's totally fine," she chuckled. "My dad is from Hong Kong and my mom is Irish and Portuguese, born in Ireland. And I was born in lil ole America."

"Cantonese is spoken in Hong Kong right?" Zay asked.

"Primarily, yeah. I know enough to hold a conversation but my Portuguese is less impressive." Mary confidently wrapped her arm around Zay's waist and flirtatiously smiled. "But enough about me, this is about the birthday boy! Let's get wasted!"

"Hell yeah!"

* * *

They were on the dance floor at a new club, happy and sweaty and drunk. It was perfect. She was perfect. All his friends had disappeared throughout the night to rest and hydrate but her stamina was just as enduring as Zay's. Mary could definitely keep up.

"I'm so glad you asked me tonight," she shouted, wrapping her arms around his neck and cupping him gently. Her breath smelled sweet, despite the dozens of shots she'd thrown down.

"I'm glad you came."

"I wanna do more than just come," she winked. _Oh boy, here we go._

* * *

 **From:** Lukey-boy  
 **To:** Zay-bae  
 _9:59 A.M.  
_ why are there post-it notes  
all around the apartment labeled where  
you guys had sex and in what position

 **From:** Lukey-boy  
 **To:** Zay-bae  
 _9:59 A.M.  
_ also how did you already fuck her

 **From:** Zay-bae  
 **To:** Lukey-boy  
 _10:01 A.M.  
_ I am just that good

 **From:** Zay-bae  
 **To:** Lukey-boy  
 _10:01 A.M.  
_ she and I had the most amazing sex  
and then she rolled over and said  
"lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen...

 **From:** Zay-bae  
 **To:** Lukey-boy  
 _10:01 A.M.  
_ naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow


End file.
